At the end of this month, my ten-year High School Reunion will take place. Besides the fact that I’ve been asked to pay $75 to attend solo and $140 if I’d like to bring a date (come on now!), I’m realizing that I was a considered a ‘spring chicken’ a whole decade ago!
To be honest, I don’t feel old but I don’t feel so young anymore either. I couldn’t help but wander back to ‘yester-year’ and think about my life as budding 18-year-old.
At 18, you feel on top of the world…you’ve conquered High School, you’re knocking on adulthood’s door and you have your future by the horns. You have potential, you’re pure and uncorrupted and your confidence is through the roof!
Senior Prom
…Yeah, that wasn’t me. I was in such a weird space. I was grieving my mother’s passing, my father was on drugs and nowhere to be found and I just wanted to run away from my problems. Have you ever heard that Britney Spears song I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman? That was my life! I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be. Looking back I wish I could have saved myself from a lot of confusion…but that’s not how life works.
Me and my Mom.
Whenever you look back in retrospect, you always acknowledge what you have learned from your experience. But wouldn’t it be great to go back in time and enlighten the younger you? One of my childhood favorites, Tia Mowry wrote a letter to her 16-year-old self and gave herself great advice! This inspired me, so I decided to give it a try. Here’s my spin on giving myself a pep talk circa 2005:
Dear Laura,
We haven’t been acquainted just yet but I am you and you are me. What separates us is time. Pretty soon, my voice will be a little more familiar, my ways will become your ways and who you think you are will suddenly change.
First I want to say, you are stronger than you know! I know your life is in shambles right now and you don’t know what to do but trust me, you’ll land back on your feet. Mommy’s gone and I know you feel like you can’t make it without her, but you can and you WILL! The same strength that she had inside of her she left behind for you to go through life’s trials and overcome them. Just like mommy, know that you may be small on the outside but on the inside you are a giant! Own that and keep your head held high.
The next thing I want to tell you is to take your time…don’t rush into anything without thinking it through. Don’t let other people make your decisions for you. You have to take the time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life because it’s your life. When you go to school, stay there until you have finished. Embrace your talents and perfect your craft. You are good at a lot of things but work hard until you become great at a lot of things. Keep singing, keep writing, and keep believing that anything is possible regardless of your circumstances.
Laura, be mindful that your outlook on life will change because you will change. Things will not always be perfect. You’ll lose dear friends, friendships will fall by the wayside and lovers will disappear but it will only make you stronger and better. You’ll be happy to hear that you won’t always be that awkward, goofy girl you see in the mirror. You’ll find your light and blossom into a beautiful woman who owns her flaws (and you’ll still be a size 2, honey!)
Also, love the fact that you are different and keep being a good girl, it will protect you from a lot of pain. As you get a little closer to meeting me, you will start wanting to take chances and try new things, do that but still remain true to who you are. FYI, it’s very possible to enjoy life without being a complete prude, so pace yourself and choose wisely!
Lastly, don’t give up on Dad. I know right now it seems best to just let go and block him out of your life to keep yourself from hurting, but love him from a distance. Keep praying for him and never let bitterness dwell in your heart (it makes you ugly in more ways than one!). I know you want to roll your eyes right now but I promise…he’ll come around. Pretty soon, his life will be such a testament to God’s grace you will barely recognize him! He will make you beyond proud of him and be the father that you needed him to be all along. (Better late than never)
Now, there are a few things that I have to leave unsaid, but it’s only to make the journey worth your while. Listen, the journey won’t be ‘peaches and cream’ but what’s inside of you will be more than enough to get you where you need to be. Let me reassure you that everything will be okay! As long as you “acknowledge him in all your ways, he will direct your paths”.
Until we meet, dear Laura…
Keep going and enjoy the journey!
One of my favorite quotes says “Life is about the journey, not the destination” and this letter can attest to that theory. Being able to grant wisdom to my former self is fulfilling and gives me strength. It’s often frowned upon to look back but sometimes looking back can help you move forward. Not only can you move forward but you can move forward smarter, stronger and better! Amen to that!
Thanks for reading <3!
True to Lu 